If you’re a fan of self-help tips and tricks, you may have seen Mel Robbins’ Let Them theory doing the rounds on social media lately. This simple mindset tool has gone just a little bit viral, with over fifteen million talking about it online.
Robbins – a renowned American author, podcast host, and motivational speaker – has amassed huge appreciation for the theory, which in a nutshell, encourages us to respond to others’ behaviour with two simple words – “let them”.
Sounds simple, right? Well, the simplicity of the theory is part of why it’s garnered such a huge following. People all over the world have been putting the theory into practice and swearing by its effectiveness, touting benefits like less stress, more autonomy, and better relationships as a result.
Considered something of a wellness guru (just read our piece on trying the Mel Robbins’ morning routine and you’ll understand why), with so many people hailing the Let Them theory as a wonderful mindset tool, we were eager to speak to some experts and dive a little deeper into the topic.
So, keep scrolling to find out what the experts have to say on the trending theory. And if health tips and tricks are your thing, make sure you check out the other wellness trends we’ve covered, from the 80/20 wellness approach, to TikTok’s favourite bingo cards to boost mindfulness and help you reach your goals, to the newly trending 90/90/1 morning routine, there’s plenty to keep you inspired.
Mel Robbins’ “Let Them” method is seriously effective for letting go of tension – your guide
What is the “Let Them” theory?
The “Let Them” theory is a mindset tool that encourages us to let go of the things we can’t control. In her podcast and book on the topic, Robbins gives many examples of how the theory can work in practice, but essentially, it’s used whenever a situation causes frustration, upset, or worry, at which points Robbins says we should respond with two simple words: Let Them.
With this response, we can stop ourselves from expending energy on things we can’t control. By “letting them” – as in people – do whatever they’re going to do, we can better protect our inner peace, according to Robbins.
“The Let Them theory is all about unburdening yourself from the sense of feeling responsible for things which are not in your control, such as others’ emotions and behaviours,” says Dr Hannah Kearney, UK Medical Director at Flow Neuroscience.
One example Robbins gives for putting the Let Them theory into practice is if you haven’t been invited on a holiday with your friends, but it feels like everyone else has. We could spend hours, days, and quite possibly weeks pondering why we weren’t invited, and feeling hurt about it. And while that feeling is a natural, human response to the situation, we simply don’t gain anything from ruminating about the issue and resenting our friends for it.
So, offers Robbins, we can instead respond with two simple words: Let Them. Let them go on holiday without you, and instead, shift your focus to what you can do to better nurture your relationships going forward. Because while we can’t control what other people do, we can control what we do.
@raremindsets
♬ original sound – RareMindsets
What are the benefits of the Let Them theory?
With over fifteen million people talking about Mel Robbins’ Let Them theory, there must be something going for it. Below are four key benefits of putting this theory into practice, as outlined by experts.
1. It has the power to reduce stress
We all know that feeling stressed isn’t good for us – on both an emotional and a physiological level – which is why we’re constantly on the lookout for ways to manage our stress levels.
Well, putting the Let Them theory into practice has the power to reduce stress, according to the experts. “From a health perspective, constantly resisting what others do drains energy. It spikes cortisol, disrupts sleep, affects digestion—stress doesn’t just sit in the mind, it shows up in the body,” says Dr. Naheed Ali, health expert and physician.
“Letting go of the need to control everything can help lower the body’s stress response because it reduces the constant activation of the fight-or-flight system, allowing the body to return to a more balanced state.”
2. It’s a simple mindset tool
The keyword here is simple. With this tool, we can respond to a wide variety of situations with the same two words, which makes it incredibly easy to practise.
“The Let Them theory is accessible because it is very straightforward,” advocates Anna Shears, positive psychologist MSc and coach practitioner. “It is easily transferable and applicable to many scenarios in life, such as relationships at work, with our partners, family and friends.”
Robbins is well-known for giving practical, digestible advice when it comes to self-help. Before the Let Them theory, she was a big proponent of the 5-4-3-2-1 rule, whereby we count down from five and “just do” an action that has had us feeling nervous.
3. It facilitates better relationships
Our relationships are a fundamental aspect of our wellbeing, as countless studies have proven. Fortunately, one of the key benefits of Mel Robbins’ Let Them theory is that it gives us the power to facilitate better, healthier relationships with those around us.
By relinquishing the need to control others (which is what Let Them is all about), we create more space for authentic connections to flourish, as psychologist Shears explains.
“When we stop trying to mould others into who we want them to be, we create psychological safety where people feel accepted rather than evaluated,” she explains. “And accepting someone for who they are and enabling them to be their authentic self, builds a deeper sense of trust, respect and loyalty.”
4. It leads to a greater sense of autonomy
“By focusing on that which you can control, and surrendering what you cannot, this might lead to an increased sense of autonomy,” offers Nick Hatter, leading therapeutic life coach. “Autonomy is a fundamental human need as per the human givens model of psychotherapy.”
When we make a conscious decision about how we respond to a situation, we are focusing on what we can control, which as Hatter explains, leads to a greater sense of autonomy. This is strengthened when we take into account the second part of Robbins Let Them theory, “Let Me” – which is when we turn our attention to our own actions.
“This empowers people to instead use their precious energy for what genuinely is in their control,” Dr Kearney adds.
@melrobbins
♬ original sound – Mel Robbins
What does the research say?
While there aren’t any studies on Mel Robbins’ Let Them theory specifically, it’s not exactly a new concept. The idea that we should focus on what we can control (and surrender to what we can’t), aligns with several psychological frameworks, including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
“ACT emphasises accepting circumstances outside your control while committing to actions that enrich your life,” Shears explained to MC UK. “The Let Them theory also aligns with attachment theory research, which shows that secure relationships involve respecting boundaries and allowing independence.”
The idea that we should let go of what we can’t control in order to create inner peace is also rooted in stoicism, which is an ancient Greek school of philosophy. There’s plenty of research to suggest that stoicism can be linked to more positive wellbeing, although it’s worth noting that some studies – such as this 2022 paper – indicate that stoic attitudes can be associated with lower wellbeing and less willingness to seek psychological help.
So, question – will you be giving it a go?
@betches
♬ original sound – Betches
“I swear by the Let Them approach – here’s why I’d recommend”
Jackie Naghten is 65 and lives in West London. She’s been putting the Let Them theory into practise after seeing it online, and reading Robbins’ book on the topic.
“The Let Them theory resonated with me on a personal level. It underpins my belief that you should not follow the crowd, and that you should listen to your heart and forge your own path.”
Jackie describes herself as a bit of an outlier, and credits the Let Them theory with supporting her choice to live her life in her own way. “I’d recommend it to anyone who is trying to find their way in a noisy judgemental world,” she says.
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